paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
