you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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