eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
