Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
