Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
