I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
