I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
