if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
