Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
