Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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