They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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