every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We had to coat check the pizza.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
