oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
