She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
