Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
