It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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