Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
