God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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