he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
