A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
