It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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