i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
