She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
