I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
