i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
