my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
