I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
