A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
