I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You can't just leave with hair like that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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