he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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