We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
