If that was your dad, he is hot
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
