I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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