That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
