Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
