Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
