I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
