I met the friendliest cop last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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