nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's shark week go big or go home
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
