3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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