my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
