if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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