Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
