I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
