she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
