Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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