you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
