And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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