I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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