i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
