i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
