A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
