So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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