that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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