8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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