I got chris browned last night
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
