Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
