She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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