Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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