Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize