There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wish my penis had a tongue
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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