I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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