Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
