it wasn't lemon gatorade
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
