dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
