i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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