He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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