Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
