after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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