there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
