I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
