you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
