dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
