i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
