I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
did i walk over a car last night?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
