just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
