woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
