were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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