Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
jump out the window naked night went bad
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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