You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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